Feeling Behind Financially in Your 20s and 30s? Start Here

Feeling behind financially in your 20s or 30s does not tell you, on its own, whether your finances need urgent attention. Start with your income, essential costs and responsibilities, then decide which goal matters to you. Other people’s milestones cannot show the full picture of your circumstances.

She bought an apartment.

She's engaged.

She's traveling again.

She started investing.

Her business is doing incredibly well.

And somehow everyone on my phone appears to have figured out adulthood except me.

I know social media isn't real life.

I know.

And yet there are nights when I look at someone else's life and immediately start calculating mine.

How much does she earn?
How can she afford that?
Should I have more saved by now?
Am I behind?

I don't even know what race I'm losing

Behind compared to what?

There isn't one financial timeline for women.

Some of us started working at 18. Some studied longer. Some had family support. Some supported their families. Some live alone. Some have partners. Some inherited money. Some inherited debt. Some had children. Some built businesses. Some changed careers. Some are rebuilding from scratch.

And yet I'm comparing everyone's outcomes as if we all started the same race on the same day.

I see her house. I don't see the spreadsheet behind it.

Maybe her parents helped. Maybe they didn't.

Maybe she has €100,000 invested. Maybe she has €40,000 of debt.

Maybe she's genuinely doing amazingly.

Good for her.

None of those possibilities actually tell me what I should do next.

Maybe I'm asking the wrong question

Instead of “Am I behind?” I'm trying:

“Am I moving toward something I actually want?”

That question is uncomfortable too.

But at least it's useful.

Because maybe there are things I need to change. Maybe I do want to save more. Maybe I want a higher income. Maybe I want to start investing. Maybe I want my own business.

Fine.

But now I'm building my life instead of trying to catch hers.

I don't want someone else's version of rich

What do I actually want money to give me?

A home? Freedom to travel? The ability to leave a job I hate? The option to have children without panicking? My own business? Time? Privacy? Choice?

Maybe wealth starts becoming meaningful when I stop asking what I'm supposed to have and start asking what I want money for.

Related: Read what a healthy relationship with money can actually look like.

What to do when you feel behind financially

1. Check your starting point: list take-home income, essential expenses, repayments and available savings.
2. Name the pressure: is it difficulty paying bills, uncertainty about your future, or comparison with someone else?
3. Choose one priority: for example, reviewing a recurring cost, making a manageable savings plan or exploring ways to improve income.
4. Make the next step small: choose one action you can complete this week, rather than trying to catch up with every milestone at once.
5. Review your own progress: compare the same practical measure over time, such as money remaining after essentials.

If essential expenses exceed income, the gap deserves practical attention and support. Self-reflection can help clarify your priorities, but it cannot replace resources you need.

Related: Why do I feel poor even though I earn more?

I'm not behind. I'm somewhere.

And from here, I can choose the next move.

That's a much more powerful position than I've been giving myself credit for.

Step III: OWN THE SYSTEM is about building around your priorities — not someone else's timeline.

Build a money system around your life. Continue with Step III: OWN →